Can we all agree that there are things that you hate to shop
for? Particularly when you literally
need nothing but said item? I mean a box
of condoms amidst 45 other things like deodorant, Doritos, assorted cleaning
items, and tin foil, says “I plan ahead, and yes…I AM sexually active. And I like Doritos.”
Just racing into the store to pick up condoms and only
condoms says, “Yup. Guess who’s had a
sad sex life up until today!!?? And
guess who’s probably gonna get some in the next hour.”
Sigh.
And the teller is always someone completely
inappropriate.
Like when I bought condoms and came face to face with a
little old lady reminiscent of my grandmother looking at me with judgment as
she looks at my ring finger.
Or when a 15 year old boy is ringing up my tampons and
moving them through the scanner using nothing but the very very tips of his
fingers as I stand in front of him practically ready to snatch them out of his
hands as I rue my decision to wear white pants.
Today I added a new item I will never again buy by itself
(along with cat food, tampons, ping pong balls, and condoms).
A plunger.
When you go to the store and buy nothing BUT a plunger…well. Let me tell you. Everyone that sees you on the walk to the
check out with your pretty damn conspicuous item knows…well…that something
horrible happened to you, and very well may still be happening wherever you
came from.
They keep a wide berth.
And if you’re me?
Well, the teller will wish you “Godspeed” as you leave.
9 comments:
Hahahah! I love it. I have a friend who refuses to walk down the street carrying toilet paper...
Geez, how wonderful are you that you supply the condoms----and buying tampons for your girlfriend or wife is always a head bowing experience, ------but I did decide that it was better to comment yourself than let the checkout operator have all the fun---
Like with the condoms---"so are these super size"---"do these ribs really tickle"-----or with tampons "so are these menthol"
Yup... and for some reason, I always have this 'oh fuck hurry up' look on my face when I buy a plunger.
LMBO!!
~shoes~
Oh lordy. I hate those "one item" times. Mine is usually the cat food. Maybe I'll try the cat food + condoms combo. It says, hey I probably live alone, but I am no spinster.
I'm sorry about that. I guess it's a good thing I don't get embarrassed because I've made those walks before. Condoms, tampons, plunger.
Never ping pong balls, though.
You crack me up... so many times when I stand there I wonder if other people think the same way I do. Of course, you and I would be on the same page about this. Note to self: do not buy plunger and nothing else.
This is so true. One item definitely means... I NEED THIS NOW!
Oh no. Hahaahaha. Hilarious.
I once went in to buy a bottle of wine and ended up walking out of the place with six (darn those 10% off each bottle sales) and the check out person asked if I was having a party. And I shook my head sadly no.
Once, back in my sophomore year in school, I was in Home Depot. The only things I put on the counter were a funnel, a 4-foot length of tube and a hose clamp. The guy in front of me was like, "Looks like a fun night."
Indeed it was. Indeed it was.
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